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| - Vindicated - - Commercials
Pointless commercials...everybody likes them. But there are some commercials that just get on my nerves. Before I get into that, I hate infomercials. After a couple of months you find the product at the local corner store. Anway, back to the commercials. First of all, milk commercials. Are they trying to advertise milk? I don't know anybody who doesn't know what milk is. They expect someone to not know what milk is and when they see that commercial a whole new world dawns on them: "Whoa, that would be good with cookies!." The concept is vindicating. And those new advertisements for Revlon. Has anybody seen those. "I believe in love, I believe in lo-ove. Valisimo. Mola Mooo." There is no talking just some lady walking around with lipstick. And some commercials for movies they bring one word from a critic review. "Spellbinding!" Isn't spellbound something bad. And those Oxi-Clean commercials that tell you that you can even take out blood from your carpet. If you have blood on your carpet you've got bigger problems.
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| - That Last Piece of Cereal
I know everybody out there eats cereal. I prefer Cocoa Roos, the generic brand of Cocoa Puffs. The worst part of eating cereal is when your down to your last pieces. These last few pieces I always want to eat while drinking the milk at the same time. (If you prefer those new bowls with those straws for your drinking, I understand. You're not an original cereal fan.) I get some of them down smoothly, but there's always that last piece that won't cooperate and doesn't want the drink to be perfect. So now it's just me and this round, chocolatey, lucious, milk-soaked piece of cereal. It's at the other end of the bowl and I turn the bowl but the piece is still just sitting there at the other end. I keep on going like this for a couple minutes. Then I turned myself around onto the kitchen table and I finally got it down. It was the most filling piece of cereal I have ever had in my life.
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| - Time Stands Still -
The Finger
So I move into the center lane, now I get ahead of this woman, who felt for some reason I guess, that she thought that I cut her off. So, she pulls up along side of me, gives me.. the finger. It seems like such an.. arbitrary, ridiculous thing to just pick a finger and you show it to the person. It's a finger. What does it mean? Someone shows me one of their fingers and I'm supposed to feel bad. Is that the way it's supposed to work? I mean, you could just give someone the toe, really. Couldn't you? I would feel worse if I got the toe, than if I got the finger. 'Cause it's not easy to give someone the toe. You've gotta get the shoe off, the sock of and drive, get it up and, uh, pretends to drive with a foot out the window, and speaks to person driving next to him: "Look at that toe, buddy." (puts his foot down) I mean, that's really insulting to get the toe, isn't it?
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| - I Don't Wanna Be - Bball with White People
The other day I went to play bball with my desi homeboys. We pulled up to the court and we see this low-riding, red, pickup truck. Standing all around this truck were these white guys without shirts. I knew some of the guys and these were the kind that you call crackheads, wiggers, and losers. We started playing and the teams were, by default, brown vs. white. The greatest rivalry of all time. This was like the Yankees and the Red Sox, Lakers and Celtics, Michigan and Ohio State, Aggasi and Sampras, England and Argentina, the Packers and the Bears, and you get the point. Here's how it went. We lost the first game. It was gut wrenching. By the way this was a really bad day for me, offensive wise, that's why we lost. But the thing that I hate about playing with white people without shirts, beside the fact that they're annoying, they suck, and that they're racist, is that when you foul them you can't get away with it. Because when you foul a white person without a shirt they have evidence of it. If you slap them you see the imprint of your fingers on their arms. (Once one of my white friends got slapped by a girl on his arm, when I saw the kid two months later, the imprints if a hand were still there) So everytime we fouled them they got the ball and we lost. But I noticed something about one of the kids that I was gaurding. When you fouled him the imprints went away after 2 seconds. This was my chance. Everytime this guy went up for a shot or drove to the basket he was hacked. And because of this guy Apu's Crew won. Good thing we won, because if we hadn't that kid would have been to the hospital. This kid that I'm talking about is Trey Bedwell: (317) 595-8791. If you want to prank someone it's this guy. Remember the name: Trey. If you haven't exprienced playing basketball with half naked white men, it's a once in a lifetime experience. It's an experience, but not a good one. I wouldn't recommend it. Thank you. | | |
| - Confessions Part II - Me and My Bald Head
Today is what we call a really bad hair day. it started when i took the family minivan offroading to play basketball. i played basketball at the neighborhood park and i was offroading there b/c there is a huge gap between the makeshift parking lot and the court, if you know what i mean. i played until i dominated the whole court with my left-handed lay-up. after that i did some more offroading with the odyssey. then i went to take a shower. but then i decided to trim my hair. my brother helped me the back of my head and he did a pretty decent job. after that i decided i wanted to make my sideburns that curl not curl, so i took the trimmer and i trimmed my sideburns. i also got the side of my head. so i trimmed the side and back of my head with the #2 trimmer. then i took a #4 trimmer and i was trimming the top of my head when i got to much to make a long story short i'm bald now. it just kept on going and going with me messing up. and remember that i just came from playing bball and i'm covered with sweat. (dont ever cut your hair if your sweaty) all the hair that i cut never hit the ground. it got stuck to me. then i went into the shower. and i just remembered that my dad hadn't payed the gas bill so there was no hot water. so i did a cold shower. it killed me. i loved and cherished my hair. it was nice and long. now i vow that i will never cut my hair for a year. i leave with, not a word from any of the beastie boys, but a picture of what i feel like.
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